This isn't insulting, right? say.ly/tEU1ou9

I seem to care less about trees when I'm drying my hands in a public bathroom.

Without Valentine's Day, February would be... well, January. #rerun

From the set of "Transformers: 911" with @thomaslennon and Shia Labeof say.ly/MPN1o0T

CHARLOTTE this Sat. Next up BOSTON & DC. All Tkts & dates. (Pls note no exclamation points used! Shoot!) say.ly/xfh1nQx

OK Ryan Gosling we get it. You’re almost as good-looking as me.

When are they going to come out with a Valentine’s Day condolence card? “Dear Valentine, I’m sorry I’m your Valentine.”

They are showing “Margin Call” on the plane. I have no headphones. It looks like a really long Jos A Banks commercial.

@JimGaffigan plz RT Buy Patrice O'neals @BIGMOMMAPRODS album Mr. P $ goes to help his family tinyurl.com/6s2v7mg tinyurl.com/7reg7zn

To be fair it must be hard to be a flight attendant and have to ignore people all day.

If its called a layover shouldn't they provide a bed? say.ly/PDt1nDP

It should be illegal to be outgoing before 10am.

I bet there is a place in hell where u have watch people eat breakfast at the airport.

It's neat how breakfast at the airport actually tastes like the airport.

I already miss @nfl . Don't go!

Me & @missamerica ( @jeanniegaffigan is miss galaxy) #xlvipics say.ly/BeO1nu3

Me & the dad of @kalenirsay #xlvipics twitter.com/JimGaffigan/st…

Safety, as I predicted.

#suckItLerruce say.ly/ofH1nc7

The Super Bowl is like the Super Bowl of Super Bowl references.